My Goofy Wisdom

Wisdom I have gained - the hard way.

1. Women really DO fart. And their farts stink, just like a man's. Really.

2. No matter how well you treated it as a youngster and young adult, your body WILL launch a rebellion against you at age 35 or 40.

3. Dogs rule. Cats...not so much. But I guess they're o.k. as long as they aren't the fluffy, mashed-in face kind...

4. You know the calorie counters on exercise machines that show you how many calories you've supposedly burned? THEY LIE.

5. I DID NOT know everything at 21.

6. God's love is the ONLY thing that lasts forever.

7. "Insanity" and "Marriage" are legal terms. Insanity is not a name for mental illness, and marriage is not a name for love.

8. I've heard that debt is the second most marketed product in America. I believe that. Vanity is the first. If you don't believe me, watch an evening's worth of commercials.

9. Why do they show commercials for restaurants we don't have in our city? You'd think they would be able to weed those out.

10. Americans love to brag about democracy. They just don't like to participate in it. In the last election, only 30% of eligible voters actually voted - AND THAT WAS A RECORD TURN OUT!

11. It's easier to remember people's names when you associate their faces to animals. For example, Jay Leno reminds me of a skunk. No offense, Jay.

12. America really, really, needs to declare ENGLISH as the official national language. Before we're all forced to speak Spanish just to communicate.

13. Kids are the most fun to be around before they reach junior high. After that, you become the "anti-parent."

14. Why did they invent pills to make a man's penis larger, but no one's invented a pill to make a woman's vagina smaller?

15. My kids have nicer cell phones than I do. And I don't care. I just wish they'd call more often.

More later...